I've Got 50 Trivial Problems: A Writing Exercise

Last week or so, I was reading my way through the Internet world and stumbled upon this very, very interesting piece by Scott Muska on Medium called "I've Got 50 Trivial Problems: an emotional purge" and was completely absorbed by it. It's wonderfully written and I thought it would be a good writing exercise to me. Last week I was struggling with a bit of a weird headspace situation, and thought I would try coming up with 50 trivial problems of my own. But READ THAT ORIGINAL PIECE. It's very fun and just lovely.

1. I never remember that I need to replace the windshield wipers on my car until I'm driving somewhere in the rain.

2. I love wearing bold lip colors, but have a very hard time keeping lipstick on no matter the brand, type, color, formula, or how much liner or primer I use.

3. If I don't have anything to do at work and the day is dragging on, I'll subconsciously make myself have to pee about every half hour. Then I get paranoid that my admin, whose desk I have to walk past to go to the bathroom, thinks I have a problem.

4. Winter makes my skin really dry, but I don't wake up in the mornings early enough to spend 20 seconds putting lotion on my body.

5. I'm tagged in so many Facebook photos with bleached blonde hair that looks pretty terrible.

6. 90% of the time, I look terrible in photos. It's because I have no idea what my face is doing at any given moment.

7. I don't believe "things happen for a reason." I believe that things happen and we assign a reason to them to make ourselves feel better. This puts a lot of pressure on me because I don't believe there is some greater force who has a plan for us. I'm also envious of people who can happily move forward with life thinking "things happen for a reason."

8. My anxiety is at it's strongest when I have to walk into a room/bar/party/house alone and don't know many people inside. 

9. When I walk around stores, I have to fight a demanding urge to touch everything. Anything that looks soft, I want to feel how soft it really is.

10. I don't feel the need to wash out my coffee mug at work because all I do is drink tea out of it day after day. This results in the inside of my cup being disgustingly brown and I'm pretty embarrassed about when I take it to the meetings I have to go to, so I usually hold my mug the entire meeting.

11. I get very annoyed when people make plans with me, even small ones like "We'll grab a coffee next week," and then ignore or forget that they made them and don't acknowledge that we talked about meeting up. I'm not crazy, we talked about it.

12. I also get very annoyed when people say they are attending an event, and then don't show up. Rude. 

13. Many times when I eat meals, I get tired of what I'm eating about halfway through and it's really hard for me to force myself to continue eating. So most of the time when I don't finish my plate, it's because I don't want it anymore, and not because I'm full.

14. I can't seem to get my lips from feeling chapped and like they need to be exfoliated, even after I exfoliate them.

15. I always procrastinate.

16. At least once a week I fall asleep on my sofa watching TV around 8 p.m. for a few hours, then wake up, go to bed and fall asleep. Then I wake up around 2 a.m. and can't fall back asleep. This will screw up my sleeping pattern for the rest of the week.

17. I feel like what I do at my job isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

18. Due to a skin infection I had in high school, I only grow hair in one of my armpits. Then I never remember to shave the other one and often have one armpit with a few long hairs. It's creepy.

19. Sometimes when I look at photos of myself, I notice that my one eye is a little droopier than the other.

20. I'm always terrified that my house smells like cats, even though I clean thoroughly before anyone comes over and no one has ever told me it does.

21. I'm not a very passionate person. I'm not passionate about a sports team, or my alma mater, or my job, or a hobby. And I often worry that I won't ever find anything that I'll be passionate about. That just seems like such a sad life to me.

22. I struggle with the fact that I don't think I'll be a good mom. 

23. My entire life, I've felt like I've wanted to be 23-26 years old. Sometimes I wonder what I'll have to look forward to once I've surpassed that age range.

24. I'm obsessive about my handwriting and am a crazy list maker. Sometimes my handwriting doesn't look nice enough on these lists so instead of working on my to-do list, I spend my time rewriting the original list until it looks perfect.

25. I don't like any type of seafood, which means I don't eat sushi. That's very alarming to some people.

26. I worry that I won't be able to love someone for the rest of my life. It doesn't make sense to me how you can love someone forever, but no one really seems to be questioning this fact as much as I do.

27. My life motto (Hope Guides Us) comes from the movie, A Knight's Tale, which never seems like an epic enough movie to pull a life motto from.

28. I've never been a good speller. I think it's because I'm not good at sounding out words, which means I mispronounce words often and become very embarrassed about it.

29. I often think to myself, "what if I never find something to be really good at?"

30. I bit my nails for 23 years of my life, and though I've been able to break the habit somewhat, I still have an odd OCD-type association with my nails and fingers. If I get a hangnail or my nail becomes rough, I honestly cannot stop myself from playing with it and it drives me absolutely crazy.

31. I want to tell myself that I would be good in a fight, but then I remember that: A) I've never been in a fight, B) have no muscle on my body, and C) I'm not very strong and feel like I'd let myself down.

32. On nights after drinking a good amount of alcohol, I often wake up the next morning, stretch, and get horrible cramps in my calves due to dehydration. The pain is so bad that I sit up immediately, but don't know how to make the pain stop so I usually just frantically squeeze and slap my calves, which does absolutely nothing to help.

33. My PMS is sometimes intense and turns my brain into a kaleidoscope of feelings and thoughts that are constantly being overthought and irrationally justified.

34. I no longer have free laundry and I need 8 quarters to wash and dry a full load. I never have quarters around so my laundry usually piles up until I run out of underwear and am forced to go get quarters.

35. I don't like red wine, but I want to so bad. I keep trying, but it taste like vinegar to me.

36. I spend too much time thinking about how a situation will pan out. Or how my night will go. And I get disappointed when it is less than I anticipated.

37. I sometimes creep on people's social media accounts, and then all of a sudden feel really uncomfortable and dirty about it, like they're watching me somehow, and immediately close my browser window out of embarrassment.

38. I have a hard time reading text messages that don't include necessary periods and commas. I usually just read them straight through and have to go back and figure out what the hell the person is trying to tell me. 

39. My autocorrect is constantly changing "haha" to "HAHAHA" and sometimes I'm just not laughing that hard and want a normal "haha."

40. I'm paranoid about having a mustache.

41. I have a long torso. Rompers, overalls, and one-piece bathing suits give me a horrible case of camel-toe.

42. I've watched countless videos of myself dancing and learned that my arms are long, thin, and gangly. When I dance they look incredibly awkward and I can't seem to get the image out my head. 

43. The amount of times in which I think to myself, "I wonder if that person finds me attractive," is simply ridiculous. 

44. When I hear someone coming up the stairwell of my apartment, the thought that maybe it's someone coming to surprise me runs through my brain and I get excited for a moment. This has never happened to me and I don't know why I keep thinking about it.

45. I recently started taking baths to relax and have some "me time." Because of my height, I can't completely submerge my body and either my knees, feet, or shoulders are constantly getting cold, which makes my bath a lot less relaxing.

46. I don't ever want the pickle that comes with a sandwich at a diner, and it's always on the plate and makes part of the bread taste like pickles.

47. I find myself constantly battling between being happy I'm single and feeling lonely and crushing on someone hard. Just depends on the day.

48. I'm thrilled when I can make people laugh, but I'm not very funny. 

49. I have two cats, but I'm allergic to them. I also would love my cats so much more if they would stop shedding so much. Or if they could run the vacuum for me.

50. I love living by myself and spending time by myself. I go to the movies alone. I'm not afraid to go to a restaurant and eat alone. I'm happiest shopping alone. But sometimes I get tired of myself quickly and then dream of spending time with someone.

If you made it through all of these, congratulations! You deserve a gold star.