A Ramble About Confidence

I think that some point, every woman (and probably every man) goes through a time when they feel less than. Less than adequate. Less than beautiful. Less than intelligent. Everyone is better looking, smarter, more confident and more put together. Everyone has a better head on their shoulders. To speak frankly, you feel like shit about yourself in some capacity (or every capacity) and you fall into a hole you've dug for yourself. You trap yourself in a space that feels unsafe and self-hating. This trap is hard to dig out of. It's much easier to succumb to the negative and feel sorry for yourself. Life is hard, sometimes overwhelmingly hard, and you pull the covers up over your head and don't take a shower because no one cares about you and you look just as inadequate as you feel.

For me, these feelings are usually a factor of PMS, but not always. Here on the East Coast, the seasons are shifting into winter and daylight is short. It's dark when I leave my job at 4:30 p.m. and go home to my apartment that never seem to be clean enough for me to be happy with. The weather and time change definitely play a role in my mood. And in my brain, that is always overthinking everything, I'm still wrestling with the love of being an independent woman but the side effects of always being "the third wheel" and sometimes going home alone. 

But I'm determined (I am a Capricorn after all) to get myself out of this rut. I want to get myself back to the place where I loved myself completely. Where I felt confident in my own skin and it showed. Where I knew what I wanted and wasn't afraid to tell you about it. For me it's a constant struggle of feeling amazing, and then feeling really lousy. But like every other time, I'm going to push through. I'm going to get out of bed and put on the clothes that make me feel like the bombshell I know I have in me. I'm going to take the time to add lipstick when I'm feeling low. I'm going to start running again and eating better, so I get back to a place where I feel great. I'm going to be the third wheel and not care because I'm having a night out with friends. I'm going to allow myself to laugh at my flaws. I'm going to spend time cleaning and keeping my life organized instead of coming home from work and sleeping all night on the sofa and eating hummus for dinner.

I'm writing this here as a way to hold myself accountable. I need a change of mindset. I need to be the bigger person and get over my negative self. Because it blows. And I'm the only one who can make myself feel great.

"Falling in love with yourself first doesn't make you vain or selfish, it makes you indestructible."

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Recipe: Chocolate & Confetti Rice Krispie Treats

Most of the time, I want to impress people with the sweet treats I make. I have a tick deep down inside of me that just wants people to appreciate and be impressed by me. I want them to look at a plate of cupcakes or cookies I've made and think to themselves "dammmnnn...those are fancy! That girl is impressive!" It's a feeling I try and shove deep down inside myself because it's a little embarrassing and frankly, I don't want to seem that completely self centered. But sometimes, you just need to make a classic and let it speak for itself. Throw in some sprinkles and guess what? Everyone is wowed. Sprinkles wow everyone. It's just a fact.

Okay, enough about my life. More about marshmallows and chocolate. Let's get down to business.

Chocolate & Confetti Rice Krispie Treats

Makes 12 treats

  • 10 oz of marshmallows (1 bag)
  • 6 cups Rice Krispies cereal
  • 1/4 cup butter
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 cup sprinkles
  • 2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips
  • 2 tablespoons coconut oil
  • nonstick cooking spray

Spray a 9x9 inch baking sheet with nonstick cooking spray. You can use any size pan, but the 9x9 makes taller treats.

In a medium saucepan, melt butter until it's light brown and bubbly over medium heat. I like to brown the butter when I make these, so let it crackle and bubble for a few minutes, stirring often so it doesn't burn. Add the marshmallows and reduce heat. Add salt (to cut through the sweetness) and stir in marshmallows until they are melted.

Add cereal to a large mixing bowl and add in marshmallow/butter mixture. Using a wooden spoon sprayed lightly with cooking spray, mix everything together, adding sprinkles in as you stir. Transfer mixture to the prepared baking sheet, pressing down with the wooden spoon. Use a piece of parchment paper to press the cereal into the pan. Allow treats to rest in the fridge for at least 30 minutes so they are easy to cut.

In a double boiler over medium heat, add chocolate chips and coconut oil and stir until completely melted and smooth. Remove treats from the fridge and cut into 12 pieces. Dip each treat halfway into the chocolate and place on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Sprinkle with sprinkles and let chocolate cool completely. 

Simple, and yet very impressive. I've never met a person who didn't like rice krispie treats. And if I ever did, I wouldn't trust them.

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Sunday Thoughts

It's Sunday. I hope your nursing a hangover that's not too terrible. Or having brunch somewhere with a close friend. Maybe you're still in bed, reading this from an iPad. Or drinking tea and catching up on episodes of the Tonight Show. I approve of all of these things, and hope you are celebrating Sunday mornings as they should be celebrated. Here's what's been floating around in my head recently.

Recipe: Baked Pumpkin Donuts

It's Fall and I'm back wanting to bake everything with cinnamon, pumpkin, and apples. The temperatures have started to really cool off here, I figured out how to turn my heat on, and broke out the heated blankets and hot apple cider. And since donuts are always fabulous in my book, I figured I'd start my pumpkin-cinnamon-everything-baking obsession  with baked pumpkin donuts.

I wish every decision in life was as easy as deciding to make pumpkin donuts. 

Baked Pumpkin Donuts

Yields 12 donuts

  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1 cup pumpkin puree
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/2 stick butter, softened
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/4 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In the bowl of a electric mixer, cream together butter and brown sugar for about 5 minutes. Mixture should be fluffy and light tan. Scrape down the bowl and add eggs one at a time. Mix in pumpkin puree. In a separate bowl, lightly whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and pumpkin pie spice. Slowly add half the dry ingredients, then the milk, then the rest of the dry ingredients. Mix until only combined and don't over mix.

Spray donut pan with a light coating of nonstick spray. Using a spatula, spoon the mixture into a pastry bag with a large open tip (or a sandwich bag with a corner cut off into a 1/2 inch hole). Pipe into donut pan and tap the pan once lightly on the counter to get any air bubbles out. Bake donuts for 7-9 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. Let cool on a cooling rack.

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Basic Vanilla Glaze

  • 2 cup powdered sugar
  • 2-3 tablespoons milk
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

In a medium-sized bowl, whisk together the three ingredients until combined. Once the donuts are cooled, dip each donut into the glaze and let the extra drip off a bit. Place on a cooling rack with aluminum foil underneath. Depending on how much glaze you want, dip each donut 3-5 times in the glaze, letting them dry in between. Top with ground cinnamon and embrace the drips!

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For some reason, I'm very sloppy at dipping donuts into glaze. When I was done with these, I not only had glaze all over the counter, but also spots of glaze all over my shirt, pants, and some on my face (??) If you're not the neatest of bakers, like me, be advised this can get a little messy. And maybe grab an apron.

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Around Here in October

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Apartment life has been lovely lately. The quilt of my dreams came in the mail and I'm thrilled with it. I've got art on the walls and DIYs in my brain. I figured out how to work my heat. Cats are happy with the giant open windows and things to watch. My custom-made reclaimed wood desk was delivered by my amazingly talented and great friends Katie and Micah of Steel Tape (planning on writing a whole post about that, don't you worry.) Art that has been sitting on my bar because I didn't have the tools to hang it is now up. It's really starting to feel like home, and more importantly, it feels like my home.

Coming up next I'm hoping to reupholster my vanity stool, create a wall-hanging-type-thing for over my bed (which will either be completely darling or horrible), tissue paper pom poms to hang from my bedroom ceiling, shelves to hang, bedroom curtains to paint and hang, and a desk to organize and decorate. I'm still living without kitchen chairs, and am now on the hunt for a desk chair (but let's be honest, I think I need a ghost chair). 

And yes, that is a Clueless quote I have framed in my bathroom. 

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